I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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