As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
