If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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