I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
