ugly people sure do ruin things
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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