What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
