One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
