you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
