It's Friday. Sex?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
