Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
