A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
