Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize
