I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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