He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
