i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
