I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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