I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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