i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
