did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
