Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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