I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
