You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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