Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
