I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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