dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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