I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
