I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
