i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she peed on how many people?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
