the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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