I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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