so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
