How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
pray to the hookup gods
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
