I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
