She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
