I just saw a hot homeless man
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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