i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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