It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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