Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
