I just threw up on my dentist
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
