Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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