Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
