Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
