I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
