I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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