doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Even my vagina gasped.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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