I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
