I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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