if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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