why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
