great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
