Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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