wakey wakey hands off snakey
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
