It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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