It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
